guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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