if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
