soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
