So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
wow bdsm is so cute
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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