I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
