he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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