I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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