96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
