You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
