xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
