Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
