I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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