Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
