He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
