A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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