It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
