Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
id be glad to
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
