You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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