Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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