I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
