I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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