happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
