Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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