someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
