stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
organizing the empties. That sober.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
