FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
