Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
