idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
