I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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