the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
