he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
