I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
