but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
