Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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