Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
