Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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