my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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