well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
