The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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