youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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