That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
