who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
