i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
