It's Friday. Sex?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
