My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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