He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We left the knife in your bed.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
