Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
