You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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