I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
