i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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