Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
