I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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