roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
