those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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